We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize