Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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