I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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