last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
high people should be assigned attendants
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
