We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
