i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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