I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
