that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize