just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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