Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm getting married
To pizza
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
