I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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