So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize