Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
