So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
