It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
