then he tried to convert me to islam
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
