OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
