someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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