i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize