Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
