I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize