every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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