Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize