Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So many bounce houses so little time
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
