She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
