just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
