you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
