HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
