Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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