Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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