i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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