She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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