Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
