the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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