i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
