That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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