He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize