I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
