Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
