apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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