I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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