i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
