I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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