i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
