Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
