I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
