one two three fourrrrnication!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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