actually, I'm a sock model
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize