he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
