1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
