I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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