im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
