Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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