Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
