I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
