very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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