I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
