I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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