Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize