its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
