2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
