So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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