she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
