I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
