did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
