some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
