I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
