i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Im part way to drunk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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