The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
