WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
