Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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