Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize