Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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