i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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