i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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