He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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