I feel like abortions should bother me more
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize