dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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