i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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