I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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