clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
